I notice

I notice that

You roll your eyes
As I share my thoughts.

You sigh softly
As I explain my emotions

You change the topic
As I talk about myself

You hesitate
As I smile at you

You don’t include me
As I pine after your friendship

You notice me when convenient
As I stare at you

You don’t seem to care
As I try to talk to my “friend”

Yeah, I notice.

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Words slip out like poison
Tongues are forked
Licking their lips
Leaving a toxic in their wake

Words stretch like rubber bands
Then they snap
Back on my skin
Leaving red welts.

Words hit like Hulk’s fists
Which don’t refrain
As they take away my breath
Leaving purple bruises

Words cut like blades
That I grasp
Slicing down my skin
Leaving red lines

Words infect like a disease
That sinks in
Leaving behind tumors

Words hang in the air
Just like the noose
I wear as a necklace
Leaving behind a lifeless body

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need help?


Please, don’t be afraid. 1800-366-8288

Originally posted on More Than Skin Deep.:

need help?

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Each night

Each night.
At the same time.
I go to my bed.
But I don’t sleep.

Yelling in hushed voices,
Arguing in whispers,
You think I don’t hear?

Each night.
At the same time.
I close my eyes.
But I don’t sleep.

I drown out the yelling,
with my own demons whispering,
yelling, in my ear.

I hear their silent yelling,
they don’t hear my screaming silence.

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In front of me

I watch
You make plans
With her
In front of me

I listen
You have fun
With her
In front of me

I notice
You smile bright
With her
In front of me

I feel
You forget me
With her
In front of me

I lose
You as a friend
With her
In front of me

I fear
You walking away
With her
In front of me

I dread
Your welcoming smile
At her
In front of me

You continue
Dancing, laughing, grinning
With her
As I fade away

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Just Tell Me

Just tell me.

If you don’t like me,
tell me.
If you don’t want me,
tell me.
If you don’t care,
tell me.
If you want me to leave,
tell me.
If you have an opinion,
tell me.

It’s worse feeling this way,
unsure if I am
or if I should even

try to be there,
to be in your life,
to talk to you,
to be friendly.

Don’t “spare me”
I don’t want that.
I’d rather the truth,
then a bunch of lies.
I’d rather you tall me now,
then find out later.

It’d hurt more.
And I’m hurting.
And I feel like
a burden
to all.

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Response To “An Angry Emotional Rant about Online Dating”

Originally posted on thenarcissistwrites:

View original post here.

Dear Dating Hater,

Before I even get into the nitty gritty details of what you’re saying, let me start by pointing out that in your comment to me, you asked me to respect your experience of dating. I was uncharacteristically nice to you in my first comment, a little more blunt in my second comment, but in both I offered you MY experience of dating and how I thought you could improve yours. Instead of being an adult and treating my opinion the way you asked yours to be treated, you deleted my comments. So naturally, you’ve lost the privilege of my respect.

With that said, let’s start with your initial premise that “being attractive has become the most important thing in society.” Literally, from the first sentence, you’re wrong. Being attractive has been the most important thing in society from the dawn of time. Welcome to being…

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wake up,
go to school,
come home,

it’s a cycle,
each morning I paint on
that big red smile.
and every night
it fades away.

that cycle,
it’s getting blurry,
the smile fades faster,
sleep decreases,
it’s crumbling around me.

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So tortured within.
I close my eyes,
the light fades,
and I find comfort in the silence.
The internal screams
seem to be eternal.
pain rings throughout me
echoing in my veins,
chilling my bones,
numbing my nerves.

I bleed to know I’m real,
that this is reality.
I bleed to feel,
my emotions have faded.
I bleed because all of me,
skin craves it.

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A red handprint

It happened.
I have a red handprint
That covers my right cheek
And the fingertips,
They trace the unfallen tears
Because its my fault

And as I shake,
My cheek feeling on fire..
I know now,
There’s no going back.

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